Revive Me

I'm here. And if I lived here, I'd live differently than before.
Rediscovering relationships of years ago. Rediscovering I don't belong here like I did then.
I'm different. And If I weren't there would be something wrong with me.
Discovering how I have been molded and shaped into the girl I am today.
Where you live, where you work, and what you listen to really does something on the inside.
How is it that I'm not the girl dressed in rags holding up a cardboard sign?
What has kept me from drinking my life away in a bottle or wasting away with a needle?
Who?, Is the question...
How is it that I have a car that's paid off, a house that is still in my name and parents that are still married?
What kept me from driving off the road multiple times, or Why do I still own a house?
Who is it that has kept my ma and dad in love to this day?
So, I remember when someone asked me as a kid: "you going to grow up and be a missionary like your mom and dad??" I didn't like that question and my first response was "no way!"
Well, here I am.
I'm sitting at Tim Hortons in Circleville, Ohio. The view is Walmart, Bob Evans and route 23 straight ahead of me.
I will look back and see all that God was doing in me and be thankful.
He has always been right, He has always done well with my heart. He has never ever let me down. So, I'm here, I'm available, and I'm weak. Really weak. Papa, help me be obedient to you today, I want to succeed.
I surrender all of me...

Queen

 

I miss the prayer room. It used to be that I couldn't sit still for 2 hours of church. Now I feel rushed if Church is over in less than 2 hrs, and it drives me stir crazy to sit and watch tv. I usually pace anyway in the prayer room, I like to be up and about. However, pacing to the sound of the tv doesn't exactly seem appropriate.

I really do ache for long hours in worship, even if it is hard. I miss singing and hearing live worship. I miss my friends and my roomie with her little cats and dog. I miss good old Grandview, Missouri in all of it's ... well, the reason I love Grandview is because it's where I met Jesus and knew His love in the most real sense of the word in my whole life.

Never have I known such love than in the community of 24/7 worship and prayer. I still ask the Lord to teach me how to pray, how to worship, and I still struggle to stay awake sometimes in the prayer room. I have a hard time sitting still or being focused on the Lord, even in that beautiful, simple room at IHOP KC. ...

There really is no place I'd rather be. Sigh... God, I don't know how to get back there, how to find my way as a missionary. With all my heart I want to serve as a missionary to the ends of the earth, or in the Night Watch pacing and singing to You. But how do I get there? How do I live this life? What more do I need to do in order to be sustained?

Am I succeeding or am I falling short? Help Lord, for I am really weak at this. I'm in need of Your hand. I will lean on You the best I know how, and confess with my mouth though at times I don't feel it, You are my good Shepherd and You have never been wrong. You have always been right, so I commit my way to you again tonight.

SQ

The face of an abolitionist that conquers & delivers looks a lot like the person you see in the mirror every day...

~ Queen

My Vision For Being a Mom in the End Times...

Little kids of all colors and ages, encircle me as I read from the book of Revelation like a bed time story.

I see myself with a dirty face, tattered clothing, and thin from lack of food. Countenance bright, eyes shining with Hope as I sit beside the rejected, abused, forgotten and lost ones. To be found watching and waiting for the Great and Terrible Day of the Lord with these ones. To live among them and share life with them....

I want to stand with the rescued, healed, restored and delivered ones. I want to be locking arms and holding hands with ex-prostitutes, murderers and thieves when Jesus splits the sky for all to see. I want to hear the cheer that erupts from the girl that was set free when she sees Jesus for the first time. I want to see the joyful tears of the man who was delivered when his eyes behold the King of Glory in the air... I want to feel the joy of the ones who overcame and finally see Justice coming to the earth for all their pain. What a day that will be!

I don't want to be found comfortable and unaware, I want to be in the midst of the fight, struggling to survive, clinging to the Hope found in my Redeemer Christ. I want to be fighting for the weak, and voiceless; caught red-handed loving the poor. I want to be in the midst of loving my enemies, honoring my husband, and in serving my children. I want to raise up my kids to know what is coming, that they would remain unoffended, and faithful to the end...

If I die before that day comes, I would call it success if I were mourned by the ones God gave me to serve and love: the enslaved, rejected, abused, forgotten, the ones that were once oppressed, afflicted and lost without hope. I want my closest friends to become the poor and needy, and be apart of them coming to know Jesus, finding wings, finding freedom....

I can't say enough...

History in Jesus

I was born to privilege and with that comes responsibility. I could have been born to a family in Hillbrow, SA with a mother as a prostitute and an abusive father. But I wasn't. I could have been born to a wealthy family in LA. I could have looked like a star and been empty inside, but I didn't.

It is a mystery how I was born into my family and grew up in a 3rd world country, and how I have such a wealth of history in Jesus. I have been raised and kept from the harsh realities of this world in many ways. With that, I have a responsibility. I have to go and love the ones that didn't escape. I have to go and tell the ones that haven't experienced the love of Jesus for themselves. I have to go and feed the ones who have empty bellies.

I don't have time to waste on entertaining myself, or on indulging because I can. I will not squander the wealth given to me. I have been shielded, protected, taught and immersed in the Word of God. I have grown up around Godly men and women my whole life. I have been healed on the inside, restored and freed up... For my own benefit??? I don't think so.
It's all about the Father of Glory. It's all about serving Him for eternity. I must speak for the speechless, raise my voice for the voiceless, touch the broken, clothe the ones dressed in rags, feed the ones with malnutrition and disease.... I have not been given freedom so that I may fly away on my own..

I have been given wings so that I can go... So I can fly to the cliff where lives hang on the balance. Wings that will take me to the unreachable places.
Father I ask, don't let me forget. I have a history in Jesus, and it's a story that must be told to the nations...