Ceau!

everyone, i will miss you! i don't really take things in till they happen. meaning, everyone i work with, and my friends/family; i now realize by stepping away, how much i am loved. you are all awesome! i am a blessed woman :) by hearing on a daily basis now, at work, how people want me to stay, lets me know that you like having me around for some odd reason :) thanx.

i don't have a clue what the future holds, but i know that the limb i stepped out on isn't going to let me fall. i'm not staying or leaving for you. i'm not going out of any logical, strategic, stable planning of my own. i'm not going to run away from the responsibilities, i've weighed them seriously and realize i'm not the one in control. just following the voice of my heart and i won't regret, look back or allow room for doubt to creep in. faith can't breathe where their is doubt or fear.

taking it one day at a time, and one bill at a time. every gift i've recieved has been such an encouragement! thank you all again! i am really not anyone deserving, but, know i am grateful. i have known all along, all this is bigger than me, or anyone else that has helped me. i haven't forced making this happen, and whatever happens, will happen because God wanted it to. i've known, but learning is different, and what i've learned is that the most amazing thing i can every do is give up control of my life . "free at last, free at last, thank God almighty, i'm free at last"... i have to catch myself from lowering my gaze and getting hung up on worry. "His eye is on the sparrow.." how sweet is that! :)

so tomorrow... big day of driving. i am known for getting lost, taking the "scenic" route, and for second guessing myself. :) i'll be fine, just fine :) mapquest is never wrong, right :) my bro. Stephen, just finished up my car tonight (clutch, oil leak...) and i thank him and his friend who helped me! gotta do laundry, clean and finish packing my growing pile of stuff to take with. once again, i do not know how to condense and eliminate un-needed things. you never know when you'll need something. i don't know how to plan a couple days ahead, let alone, 3 months :)

any way, driving home tonight with the fog, and the clouds really low, almost on top of the fields of dried up corn; and the bright clear sky with a full moon... awesome! reminds me of PNG (new guinea), when i'd wake up and it was chilly, we lived in a valley and when you drove up the mountains the clouds were right outside the window. when i looked out my back porch, down a slope in the distance was the nimbe river. fog was all around it and i'd get a hot cup of milo (auzzie beverage, kinda like hot chocolate only different), made from rain water off our roof and heated on a wood stove. i could go on and on. making myself home sick. :) (i have a lot of "homes") any-who... love ya, leaving ya, missin' ya already :)
Steph Queen

In Danger of Becoming Hermit Cat Lady

So... next thursday i'll be on my way to Kansas City. it has been a couple years since i had to share a dorm room. i must say i have grown quite comfortable with having my own space. i kinda see myself borderlining weird cat lady though. :) 27 years old, single, work and go home to my cat in a house by myself! probably good for me to have to be around other people, and learn to share again :) otherwise, i just might become that lady. (used to say that God wanted me to be a nun and that i was rebelling against the idea.) i now have come to the conclusion, that i might very well just scare boys or something. kinda like Peppermint Pattie with "Chuck" (drew, i know that isn't why you called me p.p. :)
really, just joking about the "guy" thing. i figure if i want the right one, that i should wait on God to bring him to me. not going to go looking... enuf of boys........
but yeah, i must say i will enjoy hitting the pavement and just driving. makes me feel like i'm going somewhere... (you know what i mean) i love traveling. anywhere new is great. then there is the all too familiar awkward uncomfortableness of being the new kid. i know everyone else there will feel the same, and no matter how much i have traveled, and moved, the insecurities never get easier. i guess i'm ok with it, cause sooner or later you get comfortable again.
also, i can't tell you how many planes and buses and houses i have been in/on and i have yet to learn how to be a "light" packer. i never have been good at separating the important from the not so necessary. same with taking notes in college / high school. i would start highlighting or writing and before you knew it, my whole page was bright yellow except for a few words :).....
i will be staying up all night when i get to K.City. i have pulled all nighters to write 15 page english papers, or last minute studying for finals. i was quite the pro at procrastinating :) guess it takes a lot of built up pressure to motivate me? that's a good thing at work i guess, when it comes to being able to handle quite a bit of stress before i start getting "angry". friends at Starbucks make fun of me when i say i'm "upset", or that something got me mad. Guess i don't show it very often. (believe me, ask my brothers and parents, i can get ugly!)
well, still wondering where the trees are that grow $$$. it'll all work out in the end and even though i believe in my heart God is going to do something awesome. i will probably be suprized non-the-less.. "Oh, me of unbelief"..... don't know how many of you are reading this, feel free to comment, i opened it up for anyone. then again, i am a cat lady candidate, so might not have too many visitors :) see ya... My friends at Longhorn on stringtown road, Grove City.. you all have been good to me (except for one person, who you all know and agree with me about :) -keep in touch
#Queener

10 days from today, I will be loading up my geo prizim and hitting the highway towards kansas city, mo. thanks to everyone who contributed financially and with positive love and genuine concern. my friend Jamie from Starbucks, keeps asking, "so how long are they going to keep you locked up in the prayer vault?", or " how long are you going to be locked in a room for?" stuff like that :) my boss Charity daily asks, "so you changed your mind yet?" can I just say, my fellow barista's at stringtown road, grove city, ohio, you guies ROCK ! love and will miss you guies.... do i have any idea how i am financially going to afford my trip? not the slightest. life is short, and if you know me, i am not one to be irresponsible. i have my moments, i am by no means perfect, that's for sure. BUT... i know something in my heart says "GO". i know that it isn't my own idea. i love my job at starbucks, i like sleeping in my own bed, and hanging with my cat/ buddy, Frankie. i am comfortable. broke most the time, but content at where i'm at. for a while though, i've had an increasing, restless urge for change. i'm 27, work 2 jobs, eat some healthy starbucks pastries and get a few hours sleep in between. who wouldn't want to do that for the rest of their life. :) i just know a God that has more for my life. I can pray anywhere i want to. but how many friends or even strangers do you know that would be interested in staying up all night to pray? i know one. that would be Aaron Swanger. the guy who told me about his experience at ihop. international house of prayer. so... here i am, officially in debt, and at peace. there isn't any logic or reasoning that will make my life secure. i know a God that controls the universe, so i'm sure that since this is his idea, i'll be a-ok. well, i have more support letters to send out, and some cleaning/packing to do. friends, family and whoever takes out the time to read this.. thank you ...God Bless, Stephanie Queen (aka- Queener Beaner / Peppermint Pattie)