I miss the prayer room. It used to be that I couldn't sit still for 2 hours of church. Now I feel rushed if Church is over in less than 2 hrs, and it drives me stir crazy to sit and watch tv. I usually pace anyway in the prayer room, I like to be up and about. However, pacing to the sound of the tv doesn't exactly seem appropriate.

I really do ache for long hours in worship, even if it is hard. I miss singing and hearing live worship. I miss my friends and my roomie with her little cats and dog. I miss good old Grandview, Missouri in all of it's ... well, the reason I love Grandview is because it's where I met Jesus and knew His love in the most real sense of the word in my whole life.

Never have I known such love than in the community of 24/7 worship and prayer. I still ask the Lord to teach me how to pray, how to worship, and I still struggle to stay awake sometimes in the prayer room. I have a hard time sitting still or being focused on the Lord, even in that beautiful, simple room at IHOP KC. ...

There really is no place I'd rather be. Sigh... God, I don't know how to get back there, how to find my way as a missionary. With all my heart I want to serve as a missionary to the ends of the earth, or in the Night Watch pacing and singing to You. But how do I get there? How do I live this life? What more do I need to do in order to be sustained?

Am I succeeding or am I falling short? Help Lord, for I am really weak at this. I'm in need of Your hand. I will lean on You the best I know how, and confess with my mouth though at times I don't feel it, You are my good Shepherd and You have never been wrong. You have always been right, so I commit my way to you again tonight.

SQ