Ceau!

everyone, i will miss you! i don't really take things in till they happen. meaning, everyone i work with, and my friends/family; i now realize by stepping away, how much i am loved. you are all awesome! i am a blessed woman :) by hearing on a daily basis now, at work, how people want me to stay, lets me know that you like having me around for some odd reason :) thanx.

i don't have a clue what the future holds, but i know that the limb i stepped out on isn't going to let me fall. i'm not staying or leaving for you. i'm not going out of any logical, strategic, stable planning of my own. i'm not going to run away from the responsibilities, i've weighed them seriously and realize i'm not the one in control. just following the voice of my heart and i won't regret, look back or allow room for doubt to creep in. faith can't breathe where their is doubt or fear.

taking it one day at a time, and one bill at a time. every gift i've recieved has been such an encouragement! thank you all again! i am really not anyone deserving, but, know i am grateful. i have known all along, all this is bigger than me, or anyone else that has helped me. i haven't forced making this happen, and whatever happens, will happen because God wanted it to. i've known, but learning is different, and what i've learned is that the most amazing thing i can every do is give up control of my life . "free at last, free at last, thank God almighty, i'm free at last"... i have to catch myself from lowering my gaze and getting hung up on worry. "His eye is on the sparrow.." how sweet is that! :)

so tomorrow... big day of driving. i am known for getting lost, taking the "scenic" route, and for second guessing myself. :) i'll be fine, just fine :) mapquest is never wrong, right :) my bro. Stephen, just finished up my car tonight (clutch, oil leak...) and i thank him and his friend who helped me! gotta do laundry, clean and finish packing my growing pile of stuff to take with. once again, i do not know how to condense and eliminate un-needed things. you never know when you'll need something. i don't know how to plan a couple days ahead, let alone, 3 months :)

any way, driving home tonight with the fog, and the clouds really low, almost on top of the fields of dried up corn; and the bright clear sky with a full moon... awesome! reminds me of PNG (new guinea), when i'd wake up and it was chilly, we lived in a valley and when you drove up the mountains the clouds were right outside the window. when i looked out my back porch, down a slope in the distance was the nimbe river. fog was all around it and i'd get a hot cup of milo (auzzie beverage, kinda like hot chocolate only different), made from rain water off our roof and heated on a wood stove. i could go on and on. making myself home sick. :) (i have a lot of "homes") any-who... love ya, leaving ya, missin' ya already :)
Steph Queen