Remember when...

I am sitting propped up with loads of pillows in my parents sun room. It's 8:30 in the evening, and I'm ready for bed. Surrounded by pink and blue curtains in a fort-like nature, the lock to my little bedroom door is a wooden clothes pin.

The past few days I have been rediscovering Circleville, Ohio; my friends, family and the culture of this little town. The last time I lived here, things were a lot different in my life. I am not the same girl I was several years ago.

Adjusting to a new sleep schedule, living at my parents house in a make shift room, and trying to land a vision/plan for the next few months. It really is kinda like a mission trip. It's like when you are all warm and cozy in your bed and the first steps of getting out of bed onto the cold floor.... I have a cup of South African red bush tea, and it's raining outside at the end of December..

The smell of my tea reminds me of the cold rainy days at a old wine estate in South Africa. We were near Capetown if I remember correctly. I was with a team of 13 other people from several parts of the world, all gathered together to combat human trafficking surrounding the World Cup 2010. ... I will never forget those 5weeks of my life.

The rain on the roof reminds me of Papua New Guinea. I grew up there and our roofs were all metal so you could hear every drop. I loved it.... The rain is a bit more muffled on our roofs here in the States...

My brother was talking about how I could buy meat pies from Australia online or cordial. Reminds me of when we visited Cairns for a little vacation as a kid.
I saw a guy that I went to Bible college with at Kroger yesterday. .. Being in a Kroger again, reminds me of the times I was in college.. Being in this little town again reminds me of a lot of things in my past.

Some good memories, and a lot of them sad. He has taken my pain and called me by a new name, He's taken my shame, and in it's place He gives me joy...

I don't know how this whole trip is going to go. It's only day 2 really, so I have a little bit to figure it out. I don't want to waste time though! Father, what are You thinking and feeling about this trip? Why am I here? Colossians 1:9-11, Fill me with the knowlege of Your will... I need God's help. There's something bigger going on, something greater than me...

So, I am going to look at this support trip as a mission trip. I have been to the other side of the world, and several places in between... Ohio is going to be an assignment that I will remember. Surprises are ahead, so I'm told.. A new car may be one of them?? :) God help me, I want to be faithful, and to do what is right in Your eyes. I need You to guide and direct me. Strenthen me to fulfill the plans in Your heart for me...

Queen

New Beginnings

There isn't anything sweeter than a solo devo, full sounding acoustic guitar and a worshipper singing their heart out to the Lord.

The Lord inhabits the praises of His people. I love the place where he dwells. For all of my days, I want to give myself to this place of knowing, beholding and blessing God.

There is no greater thing. Somewhere after sunset and before it's rising, I come into this house to sing praises to the Father, Spirit and Son. Under the moon light, and the stars that shine, sometimes I forget why I'm here.

I remember, it's He who brought me, and I know it's only because I've been touched deeply by His love that I keep running into His presence, again and again. Like a flower, I have truly been unfolding beneath the gentle love, and rich grace of His heart. I've been showered by mercy, kindness and extravagant love.

I am poor and needy, dry and thirsty, weary in a weary land. Truly, my God has lavished upon me, and now in beauty I stand. Winds and waves roll all around me. Mountains tower, and the road is shadowed; I lean into my Beloved, hand in hand we walk on.

Testings, trials, surprises and joy; I put my hope and trust in the one I'm leaning on. My heart longs aches. My heart sings, sighs, wanting to fly. Life is meant to be shared, harmony requires melody. We were all made for love. To love and to be loved.

I am seen by God, like a blossoming tree amongst a forest of green. I am noticed, I have caught His eye. I can have confidence in this. That I am seen, known and desired. When I waver, I recall to my mind that beautiful tree with white petals, sweet fragrance in the midst of a wood of green. I do stand out to the Father of Glory. Why would I fear being overlooked by men of the earth? God sees and that is more than enough.

Leaving will be hard, recieving isn't easy. Being weak forces me to face hidden pride. Letting go of people and things I love; Trusting the One above. I have seen real beauty in hearts and faces during these Moonlit watches. Blessed be the name of the Lord, He gives and takes away, blessed be His name. He sought me, brought me here and now I will return. I'm not the same broken flower that I was 4 years ago. My time isn't up, I know, but what's ahead, I'm not too sure.

A bit of sadness rests just beneathe the surface of my little heart. A fragile smile dares to show, I do have a great Hope, and future. Confessions to fear of failure, with bended knee I bow before my Maker.

Here's my heart, dreams, desires, people I love, I lay them all at Your feet. My little heart is fragile, yet strong. I will press on. I will do this. Doubts fly at me: "I don't know if I can do this", "what if I can't?", "will anyone say yes?", "who do I ask?".... I am a missionary. There is no turning back. Ruined for anything less. Destined to this narrow road, I will go. I will go. Here I am, Lord, have Your gold in me. Have all of Your heart's desire in me. Whatever it takes, I yield to You and sincerely pray. "Father, embrace me".

~Queen