Wow, what a month it has been... Bank account in the red, got hired at a job I didn't want, contemplated indefinite singleness unto consecration to Jesus, talked/prayed with 6 prostitutes in freezing rain on a Troost street corner, was invited to Poland and Ukraine with Exodus Cry, and gave my number to a Mexican cook at work because he asked and I wasn't prepared.... ahrghh ;/ yikes. ..
on that note, the steak house is getting more tolerable, but my lack of world wisdom on guy/girl relationships are pretty much zero! I have been surrounded by safe ihop boys who you don't assume any intentions of them liking you unless they say flat out "I like you".. right, so if he doesn't say it, he doesn't like you... well, things are apparently different in the non-ihop planet and mr very nice Mexican cook at steakhouse asked me what I did on my night off, later asked if I had a cell phone, and abruptly asked for my number... I had not added up all those things to that point and was taken off guard and said, "sure".... no bueno. So, He said, I will text you tomorrow! oh boy, I felt the feeling of "yeah, he isn't just thinking of being friends".
Anyway, I told myself to not jump to assumptions and that maybe he was just being friendly. I got to my car later after my shift and He had texted me "Here's my number HONEY" .. hmmmm.. ok, so I told him I was only looking for friendship. Today, he texted and asked in broken english, to explain my text from yesterday. ... We were busy tonight and no time for texting. I did my best to keep my head above water with tables. ...
He came up to me and asked if I was coming to his house later... ahhh, "no" I said, "I'm going home". I managed to slip out without seeing him, but he texted to see what I was going to do. We texted back and forth for a few min until he asked when He was going to get to take me to dinner???? ok so he hasn't got the point through translation of Espanol and English and the fact that Stephanie has been isolated in a bubble for 4 years now. ...
I hurriedly texted my Guatemala friend to find out how to tell a guy I didn't want a boyfriend and only wanted a friend. I forwarded it to mr. steakhouse cook, and he replied Vamos something... apparently what he wrote was "let's try it"... no no no bueno. I was going to say no gracias, but roomie said no need to be nice, "Just say NO". So i did and he replied, "ok". And that was that.. tomorrow will hopefully be fine behind the line... sigh!!
The long and short of the rest of the month is: God is good. I am hopeful of the future and anticipate signs and wonders in the name of Jesus in my life. :) Surely His goodness and Mercy are following me these days in my life. Mrs E. gave me a counseling session on life, money and marriage basically. God rocked my heart two Tuesdays ago after we talked. I cried for 2 hours belly sobs in the pr. ... wow. Something happened (obviously right!) that night and has stayed changed in me since. Can't put a finger on it but I know this: God unearthed hidden pain that is still unidentifiable, and in the process a resounding understanding of His Goodness surrounded me and still does.
Though it was painful, I acknowledged and confessed with my mouth "Yes, to whatever you are doing Lord", and "God you are good". It was a painful, really sweet, surrender moment. I was limp with exhaustion and surrendered in laying all down. With a yes in my heart, I think something in me died that day, and it needed to die hard. :) So be it. Good stuff. From death comes life. I sense that life has begun. Tuesday (almost 2 weeks ago), things came to a head- a cross roads of sorts- and since that moment I feel like the ball has started rolling.... What ball? and Unto what exactly???
Dunno. But what I do know is that it is good. I have a feeling that come June/July some really cool things are going to be happening.. :) Poland And Ukraine in July is an answer to prayer. When I asked God 3 months ago where should I go what should I do, I heard Him say "wait for 6 months". 6 months happens to be June/July... So, I have found freedom in the past few weeks with the marriage thing and laying down interest, along with laying down lies I had agreed with. God is moving quickly. 2 prayers answered since Mrs E. Well, enough said for now.. :) Grace, peace and joy to your heart.
I bless the Lord for taking all of me and fixing my broken life. Muchos Gracias Jesus! ps. God has uncovered how I have become selfish in the areas of finances meaning- I have been on the receiving end for awhile now and it's time I give sacrificially again. So I have been :) Give much, love much, grow much... Seek first His Kingdom. It will know no end. The flowers fade and the grass withers away but the Word of the Lord and His Kingdom endure forever.
Queen
